Vixen Manifesto

1. It is possible for every single person alive to have amazing, passionate, mind-altering sex. In fact, as human beings it is not only possible, it is our birthright.

2. Everyone should have a relationship with her/his sexuality completely separate from any other (romantic or otherwise). Your sexuality doesn’t depend on anyone else, and it is a vital part of who you are: it can be a source of power.

3. Monogamy isn’t for everyone. It’s time to be realistic about that and start dealing with it, instead of pretending it works for everybody. It doesn’t.

4. Not all relationships are meant to last – even long-term ones. If we aren’t learning and growing within a relationship, it’s time to get out. Having been together for a long time is NOT a reason to stay together.

5. One in four girls and one in six boys are survivors of sexual abuse, a huge factor in one’s current sexual reality. If you are one, know the following: 1. You are not alone. 2. It wasn’t your fault. 3. Help is available. 4. If you haven’t yet dealt with it, it’s time.

6. It is absolutely impossible for one person to fulfill all of your needs. Problematically, this is the current model for romantic relationships in our culture. We need a new one.

7. The way people receive love is different: some people feel loved when they are told aloud; others want to be shown, with gifts or acts of service. Social science shows us that over and over, people assume that others are like them. They’re not. Understanding fundamental personality differences like these can make or break relationships.

8. Relationship Ed should be taught in schools the way Sex Ed is.

9. Unresolved trauma is the root cause of most issues in relationship. Many times relationships force us to confront our deepest Family Of Origin (FOO) “issues.” So let’s confront them, instead of just unconsciously repeating old patterns. Let’s all be FOO fighters.

10. World peace will only be achieved when every person is raised in a healthy, loving, functional family system.* By learning to have healthy relationships, we actually do have the power to change the world – literally.


*healthy does not necessarily mean traditional nuclear family, nor does it mean “perfect.”

Note: This blog is hetero-normative. It excludes a lot of relationship concerns, including gay/lesbian/transgender and others. There are fascinating discussions to be had on these topic, I just don’t cover them. Also, I occasionally utilize sentence fragments. Before the Grammar Police get their panties in a bunch, please know that I realize I’m doing so. I just like to use them for effect. Note that I didn’t say “affect.”

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

Karel December 11, 2013 at 5:52 am

Now that is a truly powerful and beautiful initiative. I look forwarding to learning more about your experiences and the steps you take to inspire positive changes within the hearts and minds of everyone that enjoys your influence. Thank you for all your hard work both for the past and in advance. I am especially interested when you talk about confronting subconscious beliefs and creating a new and peaceful, harmonious mindset to help us experience much more positive interactions which will truly carve the pathway to a peaceful and loving world.


Annouka January 18, 2014 at 10:51 pm

bravo for this initiative, how can I contribute to your page?
I would love to write in French…


Bill Berndt February 14, 2014 at 6:16 pm

Building or defining a new relationship paradigm seems to be very pertinent.
The existing constructs seem to boil into political definitions that are just as limiting as what we are trying not to do. Rational man/woman narrative or conceptual thought is a light at at the end of the tunnel for me. Being friends with a woman is the closest thing I have found for a guiding light idea.


Joanne February 27, 2014 at 5:20 am

Your philosophies are contradictory and naive. Lack of commitment based on selfishness and narcissism leads to broken families. Research attachment disorder and the consequences of divorce- sexual abuse is one of them,along with a multitude of others.


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